Seat 24D

So it's a routine flight from SFO to DFW, right? Not a chance. We pulled away from the gate after boarding and already there was a terrible stench coming from the rear lavatory. The kind that burns your nose hair. What did they eat?

It's a short flight, I have an important customer presentation to write and I need a cloths pin for my nose. I decide to close my eyes but shortly am awakened by Billy Bob in two seats over who's snoring so loud that the sound caught the flight attendents attention five rows back. This was a snore that could only be induced by severe amounts of alcohol. My first clue? Dark shades.

OK, I'm up, I'll just burn some time and do the USA Today Soduko puzzle..no now what? The toddlers were getting restless in the row in front of me. Mom was exhausted just getting them on the plane that she didn't have the energy to settle them down. Shrieks and food everywhere. Cute little red heads. Oddly the distraction was welcome compared to the snoring from the fat guy by the window.

Meanwhile across the aisle from me, a young college girl decided that the stench from rear of the plane was too much and puked all over herself. I'm happy to report, there was no collateral damage in 24D. I get up, get her some puke bags and advise the flight attendant. With a puke bag in her lap she's playing peek-a-boo with the baby in row 23.

Little Joey, son of Billy Bob is sitting next to me in the middle seat. Not sure what he had for breakfast but he lets a huge fart rip. You know the kind that makes your underwear vibrate. He smiles and execuses himself to go to the lavatory. Good luck buddy. I can't believe he made it back.

I swear this is a true story. I couldn't believe it. OK, we're 1 hour into this flight so I should get to my presentation. Oh - look at that, my laptop battery is dead. What a surprise. I resort to writing it the old fashioned way - pen and paper.

If you ever think business travel is extravagent, remember this story of Seat 24D.